Sunday, December 21, 2014

Funny Reactions to Book Deal News

One of the fun things you get to do when you sell your debut novel is deliver the news to friends and family. It's big news to share, so reactions are understandably extreme. Most often this is a positive thing, but you do end up getting a few reactions that swing the other direction, and they can be pretty entertaining.
Below are some of those reactions, posted for entertainment purposes only. They haven't all happened to me, but I know they do all happen, and are best met with good humor.
1) The Supportive Opportunist:
"I'm so happy you're publishing a book! I can't wait for you to give me seven-hundred free copies!"
2) Disappointed:
"What do you mean it's not out for another year and a half?! Why can't you release it sooner?"
3) Condescending:
"Oh, you wrote that kind of book? I was hoping you'd written something legitimate."
4) Relieved:
"Whew! It's so great to hear you succeeded at something. I was always worried you'd end up in jail."
5) Skeptical:
"Are you sure Houghton Mifflin Harcourt is a real publisher? Lots of people are out to rip you off, you know."
6) The Marketing Guru:
"If I were you, I'd get on the Today Show and Oprah's reading list. Why haven't you done that yet?"
7) Unimpressed:
"So what if you got a book deal? Anyone can publish a book nowadays."
8) Me, Too:
"I've always felt I have one good book in me. Maybe I should finally write it. I mean, if you can do it..."
9) Impractical:
"I guess you'll be quitting your day job now, what with that huge advance!"
10) Full of Bad Suggestions:
"Your next book should be about a talking animal that's dead the entire time and wakes up at the end to find out it was all just a dream!"

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